I cried last week. Unexpectedly. I cried at the onset of a call I made to a respected community activist and friend, to whom I had reached out with the hope of understanding better what the Resistance looked like in terms of intended outcomes, and how those outcomes would be achieved. This was just after ICE had been to my small midwest town, bullying their way into our community, striking fear into the hearts of our neighbors who live peacefully and productively without citizenship, while activating our vibrant Evansville Resistance comrades to rightfully hold a peaceful protest.
The thought that someday our local constitution-upholding police officers and sheriff deputies could be called to arrest peaceful protesters, or that right-leaning neighbors with guns could stand in the streets really got to me. I surrendered to fear. Blessedly, I was able to let go of fear as my friend “talked me down” from that place of catastrophizing. While I was spinning out however, I went to a dark place, wondering how this will end — how will the current government be halted from their cruel overreach, their lies and greed, their utter lawlessness, and their tossing away of constitutionally guaranteed human rights? Will it end in the streets? With violence? With massive incarceration? Nearly as soon as I began taking to my friend, my tears began to flow. I was surprised, as I hadn’t felt emotional when I had reached out with my call, and yikes, was she ever surprised!
Immediately, she gently asked me to stop. Her next sage remarks brought me back to the reality of my life, and those remarks have stayed with me for the past week, as I have been sitting with my mixed emotions as I see our country being torn apart. This dear human reminded me, “You have all the tools you need to step away from fear.” This truth, which had temporarily escaped my consciousness, brought me back to center. I do have “all the tools” — a consistent meditation practice, almost daily journaling, pilates/yoga/stretching to feel my body, immersion in nature, the zen of birding, the lusciousness of forest bathing, the quiet search for wildflowers, unlimited time spent with my true love — tools that I implement routinely and with deep gratitude. Yet, in the face of crisis, I had succumbed to fear…
Four days later we left for this already-marvelous vanlife trip. In between packing and cooking, bike rides and hikes, I read current events. I have always felt it was my civic duty to stay informed; my chosen method for updates is reading from a few online sources, vetted, of course, for their truth-telling without being funded by persuasive corporate influence. Disclaimer: I do also watch late night comedy shows for a perspective that is wrapped in irony and humor. As much as I enjoy the checklist-driven packing up of Vanda, I continued to feel outrage and worry as I stayed informed.
Yesterday was a turning point for me, a moment of personal awareness that (I hope) will shape my future. What occurred is simple: I did not read the morning current events updates! We awakened early then headed out at first light with our coffee to revel in the natural beauty all around us. Serenaded by a plethora of birds near the campground lake was truly joyous and calming. It was when we hiked into the new spring green forest that I truly found my center. For hours, we forest-bathed under the canopy, finding flowers and birds, expressing our wonder to each other, but often silent, lost in our own sense of splendor. My heart was filled with more joy, and with gratitude.
It was then that I understood, yet again, the value of self-care. The absolute benefit of time immersed in nature. Of time spent in the company of my true love, sharing the wonderment. Of stepping away from daily life as an American to be true to myself. While I understand that nature immersion, forest-bathing, or birding is not for everyone, I fully accept that these activities, along with a meditation and gratitude practice as self-care tools — tools that are available to me every single day — are paramount for my emotional well-being. As a perpetual optimist, which is fortunately baked into my DNA, I will continue to prioritize my self-care while restricting my access to current event updates. The Resistance will be better served when I am centered in gratitude for the abundance of riches in my life.
